Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

“It is not so incomprehensible as you pretend, sweet pea. Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor and “loaded with promises and commitments” that we may or may not want or keep.

The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherfucking shit out of it.” 

Life can be hard: your lover cheats on you; you lose a family member; you can’t pay the bills—and it can be great: you’ve had the hottest sex of your life; you get that plum job; you muster the courage to write your novel. Sugar—the once-anonymous online columnist at The Rumpus, now revealed as Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling memoir Wild—is the person thousands turn to for advice. 
Tiny Beautiful Things brings the best of Dear Sugar in one place and includes never-before-published columns and a new introduction by Steve Almond.  Rich with humor, insight, compassion—and absolute honesty—this book is a balm for everything life throws our way.

I have never highlighted so many paragraphs in one book before. 

The advice given by 'Sugar' is so raw and real, and even though the situation she is replying to might not apply to my life, there were so many things I want to remember because they touched a cord with me and I want to keep them for my future self, or so I can pass them on to someone I know at some stage. 

The words that I would use to describe this book are: Motivating, Passionate, and Heartwarming.

• Motivating: it made me feel like I should get off my butt and stop reading to sort my life out. Be a better friend, be a better Mum, stop feeling sorry for myself.
• Passionate: her advice is blunt and direct and she says it like it is. You can read the honesty in her words clearly, and you get the sense that the responses stems from the same talks she might give herself in the mirror every now and then - they are words she lives by herself.
• Heartwarming: you can tell there is a genuine care behind her responses. Even when she is telling someone to pull their head in, it is done in such a caring way that it makes you genuinely want to comply because she makes you feel like it is the right thing to do.

I wish I knew of an advice column like this one to read when I was a teenager! It would be interesting to see my 'sister life' and see if it would have helped me navigate my younger life with less angst and confusion.

After finishing this book it makes me want to read even more from Cheryl Strayed (I have already read Wild)

One Day by David Nicholls

“What are you going to do with your life?" In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer... "Live each day as if it's your last', that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn't practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.” 

It’s 1988 and Dexter Mayhew and Emma Morley have only just met on the night of their graduation. Tomorrow they must go their separate ways. But after only one day together, they cannot stop thinking about one another. 
Over twenty years, snapshots of that relationship are revealed on the same day—July 15th—of each year. Dex and Em face squabbles and fights, hopes and missed opportunities, laughter and tears. And as the true meaning of this one crucial day is revealed, they must come to grips with the nature of love and life itself.

Twenty years, two people, one day.

I loved this book, and devoured in 3 days (a particularly impressive feat considering I have a toddler). I haven't cried like this because of a book since Me Before You . 

I fell in love with Dex and Em, Em and Dex. They were awkward and flawed and in theory they are so wrong for each other. Watching their lives unfold made me fondly remember my jerk ex-boyfriends and forgive them, just like I was able to forgive Dexter for his poor choices and bad behaviour.

Something else I found realistic and that also stuck with me from this book was how your identity can change through the different stages of your life, and depending on your circumstances you may even go through quite a few - the angst (and/or pain) will pass and and you can settle in to something that feels a bit more stable and comfortable.    

The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton

“Marin believes love is better in the chase than caught,’ she says. He raises his eyebrows. ‘That does not surprise me. It is not better. But it is easier. One’s imagination is always more generous. And yet, the chase always tires you out in the end.” 

On a brisk autumn day in 1686, eighteen-year-old Nella Oortman arrives in Amsterdam to begin a new life as the wife of illustrious merchant trader Johannes Brandt. But her new home, while splendorous, is not welcoming. Johannes is kind yet distant, always locked in his study or at his warehouse office-leaving Nella alone with his sister, the sharp-tongued and forbidding Marin.

But Nella's world changes when Johannes presents her with an extraordinary wedding gift: a cabinet-sized replica of their home. To furnish her gift, Nella engages the services of a miniaturist-an elusive and enigmatic artist whose tiny creations mirror their real-life counterparts in eerie and unexpected ways . . .

Johannes' gift helps Nella to pierce the closed world of the Brandt household. But as she uncovers its unusual secrets, she begins to understand-and fear-the escalating dangers that await them all. In this repressively pious society where gold is worshipped second only to God, to be different is a threat to the moral fabric of society, and not even a man as rich as Johannes is safe. Only one person seems to see the fate that awaits them. Is the miniaturist the key to their salvation . . . or the architect of their destruction?

Enchanting, beautiful, and exquisitely suspenseful, The Miniaturist is a magnificent story of love and obsession, betrayal and retribution, appearance and truth.

So beautifully written, with a beautiful cover to match.

While I wouldn't describe this story as shocking or action-packed, there was actually quite a lot that went on that kept me guessing until the end.

Wild Connection: What Animal Courtship and Mating Tell Us about Human Relationships

"Animals don't feel badly about who they are, and unless animals are hunting or being hunted by predators, they don't spend their lives trying to look like or be something they are not. Maybe we can take our cues from them. I mean, have you ever seen a squirrel trying to act like a swan to get the girl next door? Not likely. Squirrels spend their time perfecting everything about being a squirrel. So, for all you squirrels out there, if you find that you are more squirrel than swan, your best bet is to embrace those acorn hoarding instincts in you and just be the very finest squirrel you can be."

Wild Kingdom meets Sex and the City in this scientific perspective on dating and relationships.

A specialist in animal behavior compares the courtship rituals and mating behaviors of animals to their human equivalents, revealing the many and often surprising ways we are both similar to and different from other species.

What makes an individual attractive to the opposite sex? Does size matter? Why do we tend to "keep score" in our relationships? From perfume and cosmetics to online dating and therapy, our ultimate goal is to successfully connect with someone. So why is romance such an effort for humans, while animals have little trouble getting it right?

Wild Connection is full of fascinating and suggestive observations about animal behavior. For example, in most species smell is an important component of determining compatibility. So are we humans doing the right thing by masking our natural scents with soaps and colognes? Royal albatrosses have a lengthy courtship period lasting several years. These birds instinctively know that casual hook-ups are not the way to find a reliable mate. And older female chimpanzees often mate with younger males. Is this the evolutionary basis of the human "cougar" phenomenon?

Fun to read as well as educational, this unique take on the perennial human quest to find the ideal mate shows that we have much to learn from our cousins in the wild.

This book is the best example of interesting, intellectual and hilarious. I loved reading it because I learnt lots of interesting facts that I can easily retell to friends and family, and it still made me chuckle in every single chapter.

It covered a diverse range of animal species, but there were still some interesting parallels to human relationships and behaviours. 

This was one of those books that I kept on my bedside table and picked up in between other books to read a few more chapters at a time. 

The Elegant Art of Falling Apart by Jessica Jones

"After cancer, every gift seems like a treasure. Every day is special. Some are simply magical."

Inspiring, unflinchingly honest, and laugh out loud hilarious, The Elegant Art of Falling Apart shows us how, sometimes, we have to lose everything to understand that the moment is all we have. And living that moment with style, grace and a damn good lipstick is all that matters.

Jessica Jones had a complicated life. Booze, cocaine, bad boyfriends – it was a rollercoaster ride of what self help writers call ‘opportunities for growth’ But she got way from all that. She rebuilt her career, became prosperous and, at last, found happiness in a wonderful, new relationship. 

Just when things were almost perfect... she learned that she had breast cancer. Jessica did what she’s always done, she got through it. After seven months of gruelling treatments she travelled from London to Sydney to begin a three-month holiday of a lifetime with her gorgeous man - only to find herself plunged into a different, and totally unexpected, life crisis. 

A story of courage, friendship and laughter that gives us hope that, no matter what, we can always start again.

Its been a few weeks since I finished reading this book, and although I've been busy, I was also putting off writing down my thoughts on this book because when it comes to Memoirs, I really don't like to seem too critical. It must take so much guts to write down your personal story, especially when you can't hide behind a fictional character/setting.

When I first started reading this book, I thought it was going to be one of those books that I just had to tell my girlfriends to read - it was raw, inspiring and important. But somewhere along the way I lost touch with the author and I couldn't relate to her personality as much - even though I have never had depression, an addiction OR cancer. Maybe it is through my own fault and I was shying away from the harsh truth of depression, but I just couldn't relate to her 'love addiction' and the fact that she was struggling so much to let go of what seemed like such a toxic relationship. To me that overshadowed the positive way she seemed to tackle her cancer treatment. 

But overall, I think this book would be helpful for someone who has a close friend or family member diagnosed with cancer and going through treatment, and even to someone healthy who just wants a reminder not to take that fact for granted. 

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Süskind

In the slums of eighteenth-century France, the infant Jean-Baptiste Grenouille is born with one sublime gift — an absolute sense of smell. As a boy, he lives to decipher the odors of Paris, and apprentices himself to a prominent perfumer who teaches him the ancient art of mixing precious oils and herbs. But Grenouille's genius is such that he is not satisfied to stop there, and he becomes obsessed with capturing the smells of objects such as brass doorknobs and fresh-cut wood. Then one day he catches a hint of a scent that will drive him on an ever-more-terrifying quest to create the "ultimate perfume" — the scent of a beautiful young virgin. Told with dazzling narrative brillance, Perfume is a hauntingly powerful tale of murder and sensual depravity.

“And even knowing that to possess that scent he must pay the terrible price of losing it again, the very possession and the loss seemed to him more desirable than a prosaic renunciation of both. For he had renounced things all his life. But never once had he possessed and lost.” 

This book was not what I was expecting at all - in both a positive and negative way. The experience of this book was like wearing a good perfume, the beginning was strong and intoxicating, the middle faded and became bland, then the ending was refreshed with a new application and it became even stronger.

For a story about a murderer, it took a long time for the actual murderer part to set in - I almost gave up, especially as the middle part was so slow and boring. To be fair though, this was a very beautifully written story, even the slow parts. 

The ending was really good - it tied everything together and made the story complete, although it was also not without its strange parts too...

I'm glad I read this classic novel.

How to Fall in Love by Cecelia Ahern

“Life is a series of moments and moments are always changing, just like thoughts, negative and positive. And though it may be human nature to dwell, like many natural things it's senseless, senseless to allow a single thought to inhabit a mind because thoughts are like guests or fair-weather friends. As soon as they arrive, they can leave, and even the ones that take a long time to emerge fully can disappear in an instant. Moments are precious; sometimes they linger and other times they're fleeting, and yet so much could be done in them; you could change a mind, you could save a life and you could even fall in love.” 

She has just two weeks. Two weeks to teach him how to fall in love – with his own life.

Adam Basil and Christine Rose are thrown together late one night, when Christine is crossing the Halfpenny Bridge in Dublin. Adam is there, poised, threatening to jump. Adam is desperate – but Christine makes a crazy deal with him. His 35th birthday is looming and she bets him she can show him that life is worth living before then.

Despite her determination, Christine knows what a dangerous promise she’s made. Against the ticking of the clock, the two of them embark on wild escapades, grand romantic gestures and some unlikely late-night outings. Slowly, Christine thinks Adam is starting to fall back in love with his life.

But has she done enough to change his mind for good? And is that all that’s starting to happen? 

Despite how morbid the blurb sounds, this novel wasn't all doom and gloom. Yes it covered some pretty serious topics - heartbreak, depression, suicide, bullying... - but there were just as many laughs and sweet moments, I felt I was smiling inside way more than shedding a tear.

I've loved every Cecelia Ahern novel so far, but this one read slightly differently for me, slightly more Marian Keyes that some of her others. Loveable characters, witty punchlines, a quirky family and a creative way to weave an unusual 'How-To' dependancy through a love story. 

“Where would we be without tomorrows? What we’d have instead are todays. And if that was the case, with you, I’d hope for the longest day for today. I’d fill today with you, doing everything I’ve ever loved. I’d laugh, I’d talk, I’d listen and learn, I’d love, I’d love, I’d love. I’d make every day today and spend them all with you, and I’d never worry about tomorrow, when I wouldn’t be with you. And when that dreaded tomorrow comes for us, please know that I didn’t want to leave you, or be left behind, that every single moment spent with you were the best times in my life.”